Wednesday, 1 May 2013

#LearnersDiary: Lesson I - Comparison

Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner (the Learner) everywhere - Chinese proverbs

Everyone knows am a learner, some don't understand why I adopted the name, some does without asking questions, I guess those ones understands life  and the need for growth and unlimited knowledge.

Some preferred to be called an earner instead of a learner, I guess they don't understand the gravity of their wish because when you stop learning, you get stuck; you won't earn more than you are getting already.

Am an earner too, considering my annual take home, but apart from that, I have learnt to nourish my inner self which in the long run  has helped my outward appearance. I  also believe the more I learn, the more I earn,  the more I give.

So, it's time to give back few of the lessons I have learnt and in the next few weeks I will be sharing this and I urge you to please enlighten me more with your contributions and comments.

So what have I learned?

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.

I struggled so much with this in the past, trying to do more and exceed the works and doings of others, and so many times, it does hurts me when I can't meet up. Now, I have learnt my lessons, its not about marching up what others are doing, its about doing the right things and the right things most times are the best I can do.

Often times we compare ourselves to others simply because we’re looking to see if we may be doing something ‘right’ or to a particular standard. Sometimes we do it because we are not feeling strong and we need to look outside of ourselves for approval. Sometimes we do it because we’re failing to see our own skills, talent and beauty and we look to others to see what they’re doing or what they might have that we think we don’t. Sometimes we do it because we are feeling negative and down about ourselves so we compare ourselves to others unfavourably so we can validate that thinking – even though it’s harmful to us and our level of esteem, confidence and compassion.

Comparing yourself to others will ruin you. It will end your dream even before it starts.

I have learned that Comparison is like a mental force that halts your momentum and brings your greatest insecurities to the forefront of your mind. It steals your joy, makes you uncomfortable and terrible. It maximise your anxiety to march others performance, in the process, you lose your internal reward which is your happiness.

When we compare ourselves to others, we inevitably end up performing at a significant lower level because we become distracted. There has been times when I do compare my blog hits to another and I keep asking myself 'what am I not doing right? I do believe that the number of hits is directly equal to impactation. But the amount of testimonies I have received in my personal box apart from the once on the blog has really changed my believe. To me now, it's not about the hits any more, it's about the number of readers am able to hit with the message.

A friend recently told me ' i compare my performance with upward movement' and I 'LOL' the statement. Sometimes we do think that using others as a measuring stick is key to self and career improvement and it might look like its working. But really, it's not. We failed to accept the reality that some people will always do well than others. It's natural, it has always been. Even you, by being yourself, you are doing  well and some unknown fellow are busy comparing themselves with you.

Using others as a measuring stick of our success is a game that we can’t win.

So how should you handle this dis-ease?

1. Appreciate yourself, appreciate what you do. It's the best motivation you can give yourself. Recognise once and for all that you are a whole and amazing person and entirely unique.  One of a kind baby.  I mean One of a kind! You are different, so whatever you do must be different and how people see it must be different. That is key to self freedom.

2. Discover your purpose --> It will birth your vision --> It will show you your route --> you know where you are going --> you won't need to run like others. 
A life without purpose struggles!
A life without purpose is unsatisfied!
A life without purpose gives up easily!
 Click here  to read more on how discovering your purpose will help you.

3. Frequently assess yourself, This will help you identify your strengths and weaknesses and it will help you towards personal improvement. Once you focus your attention on this, a total different inner dynamic takes over. You stop looking at others to please your inner self.

4. Keep Learning.  Anyone who stops learning is old, whether twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing you can do is keep your mind young. Mark Twain (1835 - 1910). Learning is compulsory and it must be sought after. If you stop learning, you will loose your past, hence, you are dead for the future.

5. Stop showing off if you are not ready. Consistency is key to stay at the top. Sometimes, we exalt ourselves more than what we really are and thereby attracts people's interest. To maintain this position and compete effectively with those already there births a process of comparison which becomes a headache for us in the long run. Stay Cool and do your best only.

6. Accept the reality of life but do not accept the status quo. One of the realities of life is that some people will always do well more than others, fingers are not equal. If you can't take this, you will be desperate to run like others and its likely possible that you will run into their trap also. Look at those two apples again ----->
Why are they of different colours? That is reality!!

7. Finally, It’s important to learn the mental skill of acknowledging another person’s success without letting it throw you off-track  This takes discipline.

Let me teach you one.

When you come across that story of someone who is more successful than you at the thing you are doing, repeat this to yourself over and over:

"My best is what is required! " My best is what is required!" "My best is......!"

Truly tho, your best is what is required, doing more is a bonus and soon enough, others may begin comparing themselves to you.

Have I learnt the right lesson?

Twitter - @ayoSholola
Facebook - Sholola Ayobami


  1. Thanks fornbwing a blessing

  2. You are welcome. Thanks for reading and sharing.

  3. Nice write up. Lessons abound in this and lessons learnt also. ~ Mr.O

  4. Thanks oga Ayo, I've also learnt something here, or better still, I'll say you've reminded me about something...comparing makes us lose sight of the values of what we possess. Brilliant piece...keep them coming!

  5. Thanks Abdullahi for your kind words. You made a vital point there and I will take note as well - comparing makes us lose sight of the values of what we possess!

  6. "Accept the reality of life but do not accept the status quo" How many times have I seen people refuse to accept the reality while accepting the status quo? How many times have I made that mistake myself? I refuse to live in denial, but I also refuse to give up!

    1. That is the secret - determination.
      Thanks for the contribution...

  7. Oyeniran Abiola4 May 2013 at 08:52

    Most of us go through life running another person's race forgetting that the best we can be is the best of who we are. Purpose clarifies what a man's life is about. Thanks for reminding us.

    1. Purpose clarifies what a man's life is about. Thanks for that.
      This is one of the reason why I keep stressing the necessity of purpose. Thanks once again Aunty Biola

  8. GREAT ONE! K-I-U!