Wednesday, 19 June 2013

#LearnersDiary: Lesson 3 - Acts of Movin'On

Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner (the Learner) everywhere - Chinese proverbs

My act of learning in the past few years has continued to broaden my thinking horizon. Serious questions has been raised from deep within, and immeasurable time has been invested to find answers. As you should know, effective learning situations require time for thinking and studying. I tried to learn more so i can do less to succeed. Meanwhile, as I continue to learn, I felt so uncomfortable not sharing what I have learned and this is what lead me into this LearnersDiary series, and with the feedbacks i have received in the past few weeks, I am motivated to continue and today I present to you, #LearnersDiary: Lesson 3.

What have I learned?

I've learned that it's not the bad things that happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.

Have you failed before? Disappointed? Neglected? Betrayed?  Just like me, am sure you have been faced with one or more of these; but seriously, what happened afterwards? What was your next action?

The experience that lead me to learning this particular lesson is a very fragile one with some personal connections, if not, it would have been so perfect for me to narrate or discuss the whole scenario. Meanwhile, either I do or  do not share these scenarios  it may not in anyway enact  your own story. But really, challenges and unfavourable happenings has same effect, they only comes in different ways. One may be bigger, difficult and painful than another, only the victim can tell.

Have you ever noticed whenever you are telling someone about another person's misfortunes, after a sympathetic reaction,  they are always curious to ask what happened next? they want to know the actions that followed, they want to ken how the victim has been able to either bounce back or if he/she still lingers in his/her misfortunes. Oh, I see you are nodding! The mentality behind this curiosity says it all about what's really important between the incident and the post incident.

Failures or misfortunes are given in life; expecting to sail through without any hiccup is unrealistic. Life has been programmed to present us with ups and downs. I said in a youth gathering few weeks ago that it is so unfortunate that the unfortunate things unfortunately dabbles into our fortunes and ways and sometimes knocked us down to the lowest part of the plain, but sincerely, what we do about them is what  really matters, our getting out or moving on story is what people want to hear and tell to others.

Bad things happens everyday, I remembered when I was still a teenager, not many bad things surprises my mum, any time I asked why she is not surprise, she will say "nothing is new under the sun". Meanwhile, i also observed that uncommon action(s), like an act of bravery or other odd actions taking by the victim of the incident do surprise her.

This taught me that the worst things in life are not the bad things that happens, they are actually the worst actions that followed. I have read of a man who jumped in front of a train in 2008 because he couldn't cope with the effects of the credit crunch on his fortunes. Ha! 

Oh you too said Ha!? You can read it here.

Now, let me suggest tips that will guide your actions after a huge misfortune.
I am not making this points to guide your reactions, of course, we may not be able to control our reactions to bad incidents but am only concern here about our actions that should follow afterwards.

Accept Reality - to know success, you must know failure. Life's hard knocks are as common as life's success knocks. You can't always have a smooth sailing in this life, to expect to, is evidence of lack of realism. Don't be too bitter, at least not for so long. Always remember nothing is new under heaven but you can unveil a new thing through your actions that follows.

Accept responsibility, Don't blame others. This is what will fire you up to make the right changes. Accepting responsibilities is not a popular concept in this society, we have accusers - those who blame others, excusers - those with all the excuses and Choosers - those who chose to accept responsibilities. the choosers are the leaders, always ahead of their misfortunes and problems.

Stop dwelling on it - obsessing over your problems will not change the outcome.  It will only trap you in an emotional doom-loop that will hinder you from moving on. What's said is said and what's done is done, dwelling on it won't be the end, moving on will. Be positive, put yourself in order as soon as you can. The faster you take a positive step forward, the quicker you can leave these debilitating and devastating monopolising thoughts behind.

The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. Don't let your momentary setback blind you to what's left. What's left is so potent and fertile if you would cultivate it. 

You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically.  You will have to rise up and say, "I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life"

Release the hurt!
Release the fear!
Refuse to entertain your old pain!

Remember, it's not the bad things that happens that's important. It's what you do about it!

Have I learnt the right lesson?

Certified Life Learner
Facebook - Sholola Ayobami
Twitter - Ayosholola


  1. Am picking up myself from the ground, dusting off the dirts, stretched legs and arms....its time to let go and face reality. Life is too good to be wasted on depression. I have all it takes to be great. I am moving on, am stepping off the side walk, am stepping into the ring. The world is waiting for me. Am moving past my pain and hurt. Am letting go of past failures. I refuse to stop now, its time to move on. Life goes on and am moving. I am olawale Fámúyîdé

    1. I am can do so much more with the pain and disappointment. I can move forward, let go of the past and change the outcome of my future. Yes I can.

  2. Great piece... Hmm deep!!!!.. No matter what d issh is.. Get up and move on.. "kosi ohun tuntun labe orun"

  3. BRILLANT!!! I so love this piece. Truly and indeed,life can't and always won't be a bed of roses. Thanks much.

  4. Nice one! Life is an institution.what really matter is learning to make d best out of every bit of it.Blaze the trail,be the best U can be.

    1. ---------> be the best you can. Thanks for that

  5. Great one. Life is too short than to be be wasting time on the negatives. We ought to just pick up ourselves sometime, accept the reality and move on.

  6. Life is friendly only to those who recorgnizes time and chance and filfer it by choice... One's power of choice (right choice) will take him/her to a long way even in the rigors of life. Decide and move on, no time to waste!
    A. Y thanks for these motivational and inspiring words