Sunday, 8 June 2014

Women And Balance by Temitope Aigba

Join us this morning as we welcome @topsyken on another wonderful session on #YouthsEngage as she discusses "WOMEN AND BALANCE"... Enjoy

Good morning Great People. My name is Temitope Aigba but I prefer using Tope Aigba. Sounds better shey? Errrrmmmmm where do I start from o??? Ok. Tope Aigba is d first child in a family of 9. I'm ijebu by birth from Ogun State but married to an Etsako man from Edo State. I graduated from the former Ogun State University now Olabisi Onabanjo University Ogun State in 2001 and went for NYSC in 2002 in Imo State where I met Bros. We got married in October 2005 after some tribal wars sha o *chuckles*

Nine months after marriage, God blessed us with a baby boy (Our General) in 2006. God blessed us with good jobs though we had a rocky start. Part of the dictates of d jobs is constant traveling.
 During this period also, I was doing my professional course (ICAN) and boy, it wasn't easy combining family duties with reading. Most of the time when I'm reading at night, my boy will want to be carried and cuddled and I had to do it. At a time when I felt I couldn't go on again with the studies, I opted to stop but my husby won't hear it. He pushed and pushed. Then he devised a way. He stay with me while I'm reading my subjects, he reads other books or his Bible. At a time it resulted into a quarrel and boy, did I insult this man! But through it, Bros (as I fondly call my husband) was not moved.

I remember the day I saw my result that I qualified as a Chartered Accountant. I was so overblown with joy that I jumped on him (I’m on the big side, stature-wise) & afterwards knelt to thank him. He was my push and he still is my push. Even when I doubt myself, he tells me I can do it.

After my qualification, I was promoted at work. This means more responsibilities and odd hours.

In the course of this schedule, I joined twitter and met some people that helped birth dreams and responsibilities. Through this, I got interested in politics & governance and that made me meet and join some notable groups. Also via twitter, I started writing and joined advocacy against rape and sexual abuses. My writing was birth by Debo Adejugbe @deboadejugbe and d advocacy by Arome Ameh @_iamarome . I got involved with the #20MillionYouthsFor2015 with the likes of Chinedu Ekeke @nedunaija , Muyiwa Olumide @MrEnclave ,Jude Egbas @egbas etc and lots of work has been done and is still on, all for good governance, accountability and transparency. I also got involved with a major work last year via Dupe Kafidipe @dupekilla on the #childnotbride issue. This consumed a lot of time and energy.

Last year, I started lecturing professional students (ICAN) on weekends.

Through this entire schedule, I maintain a busy time at work since I'm a manager in an audit environment. The schedules are tight but I have a source of strength. My source is God. At times, I wonder how I do all this but I know that all I do is from my Father God. He alone gives the grace to balance it.

I have a good mother that I fall back on for sound advices and I also have fathers that guide me.

But above all, I have a great man that believes in me and allows me express myself to any length. He is my cheerleader.
When there was a clash between home chores & work schedules, I got some home appliances to ease the stress. There is an understanding btw Bros & I about home chores. I do the washing, he does the sweeping and cleaning. Now, this understanding was not forced on him. He volunteered when he saw the amount of stress I was under. He was willing to help and has been helping and I don't take it for granted. I appreciate him daily for all he does.
As a wife, all this chores and schedules has a way of creeping in and rubbing one of strength to fulfill marital duties. You go out to a 8-6pm job, you get home and start cooking, read n prepare for lectures, at times wash that night........And the man will still expect you to be responsive during "browsing time" after such a day? Hmmmm! It requires grace.

There is no sense being a great career woman or a wonderful mother if you are not a greater wife. The Bible says in Proverbs 14:1, “that the wise woman builds her home”. This is the scripture my mom uses to counsel me always. When your home is built, every other areas automatically falls in place.

My involvement on social media took a lot from me because I had to take time to convince Bros especially after that Cynthia case on facebook. My son knows the code to my iPad and my husby have access to my social media platforms. I needed to carry him along. All these were necessarily so as to be able to do all I needed to do with his blessings.
Let me share a recent happening here. Some weeks back, I went to Lagos for a personal issue. I told Bros that I'll be going for the #BringBackOurGirls protest in Lagos on that Monday and he said ok. Prior to then, I've been very sick and lost a lot of blood. We did not think about my health. I went for the protest and collapsed at Gov Fashola's office. @Araabmooney @Ayourb @lanreneville and @gbengagold were God sent because they helped revive me. Ridwan @Araabmooney had to walk with me back to the road till I picked a cab & got home. When I got home, I called him (husby) and told him what happened. He shared with me that early that morning he had d urge to pray for me and the other protesters and he did. I was grateful to God. Imagine if I had not told him and something like that happened?

Maintaining a balance in your home is first hinged on your relationship with God. By strength shall no man prevail. He alone knows how to order everything. Apart from God, I'll have you know that every man is different. Understand the peculiarities in your spouse.

From all I've said about my Bros here, he seems a wonderful man shey? *yinmu*. You won't want to see us kwanta o! One of d earliest things I learnt in marriage is that, my marriage I what I make it to be. My mouth is my weapon. My marriage is btw 3 people; God, Bros & I. No external party allowed.

If you have issues with your spouse, the best person to take the issue to is the person’s Father, God. He is never partial. I am what I am today by the Grace of God upon me and by the support of my Bros.

I'm full of mistakes and flaws and too stubborn sef *I know that myself* but daily I look also to God for help. Balance in any area of life can only be maintained in and through God. By strength shall no man prevail.

Women, there is power in submission. Whatever u may have or be, submit to your man. It pays. That you are submissive doesn't mean you are a slave. In actual fact, submission brings power. In that little time u have, celebrate your husband. Make him the king he is. Be his friend, his lover, his secretary etc. Be interested in everything that concerns him. Make him the centre of your attraction. And you'll see a man that can do anything for you!

You are first his wife. Don't be a prude in d bedroom. Make your bedroom a place he is always eager to come to. A lot of us make this mistake; because u cook well and have kids, so what? Na onle u go first sabi cook n born Pikin? Abeggi! Set your husband on fire with passion. Get sexy lingeries and bedspread. Do awesome things to him *wink*. Do you know that the sexual moment that you both are one, any word or prayer said in agreement clicks? I'm a witness. It works.

Dress well. Dress attractively for your husby. Don't neglect yourself and start tying wrapper around d house Biko! Treat your husby like the king he is. Serve his food well. Stop keeping d good plates for visitors. He deserves more.

My sisters, balance can only be found in God as we daily understand what is important in life.
Grace & Peace to us all. 

Thank you #YouthsEngage


  1. All I needed to hear and more. God bless you richly ma!

    1. Amen. Thank you Dami for reading. All glory is to God alone.